I was sinking. Sinking in the weight of the to do list, sinking in the weight of deadlines and sinking in the weight of not spending my time on the things my heart deeply desired. The weight was heavy. It felt like a two tone armour that I wasn’t meant to bare. The armour strapped me down and didn’t allow my arms to move. Taking a step forward was stripping the life out of me.
I recognized that I have been in this space before. I even promised myself I would never do this again. I would never have so many commitments and projects where I felt like life was out of control. In the past, when those feelings of “I just can’t get it all done” I would run to food for a temporary retreat to feel good in my body.
Yet here I was again, saying yes to really good things which meant I was saying no to my family time and my time to be still and know. This time there was a picture of the growth that I have achieved. I didn’t turn to food. I didn’t find myself in the drive thru or binging on the kid’s snacks.
I spent time feeling the feelings of inadequacy as I wasn’t going to get it all done by the due dates. I spent time being in my body rather than numbing out. I spent time telling a few close friends where I am out and how I am getting out. The destination is to return to peace and the boundaries I had with my time for my high priorities.
When I say yes to too many things at once it’s usually from a place of fear of missing out. My old pal FOMO comes right back to rub my back. It turns into wanting to please people. Wanting to show “my stack” as if it represents my worth. My friend, if you too have said yes to too many commitments like I have, I want you to know that you do not have to earn love. Perfect love casts out all fear. So I’m sitting today in His perfect love for me.
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
1 John 4:18
Where are you experiencing fear? What are you afraid your punishment is going to be? It's time to be still and be loved so you can experience his perfect love for you!
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